(no subject)
Dec. 10th, 2007 | 07:05 am
jesus christ. i just want nothing to be the matter anymore.
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if it worked after slavery, it should still work after the immigration raids
Nov. 13th, 2007 | 11:30 am
so, one of the things weighing me down this semester is this paper i am writing on the Chinese who were imported to the Mississippi Delta region following reconstruction. This was a completely agricultural society, it can't be underestimated how patriarchal it was - white planters were on the top, and even though most white people weren't that rich, they admired and wished for the planting life.
After slavery had been ripped from under thier feet, these planters needed someone to still do the work - and they were sortof shocked to have to treat people they had never thought of as human, as "equals"? yea right. So they figured out this neat system of tenant farming, so much endebting their workers that even though they were now "freedmen," they weren't making any money. (the debt comes from the advancement of supplies, food, rent, etc. - it's like old-school, "you're shirt and cap will come out of your first check.")
Needless to say, these freedmen weren't to siked about all this. The one power that was definetly in their hands, which hadn't been previously under slavery, was the power to leave. And this happened, a lot. If a planter was completely, obscenly horrible, he had problems getting his workers to come back the next year. That really sucked for him, because his plantations were miles by miles large and shit would sink if he didn't have enough labor.
Facing the problem of not having enough labor, (i.e., not treating ex-slaves well enough that they would put up with the bullshit,) planters tried many solutions, which is where the Chinese came in. They were doing so well on the Rail roads, hey, coolies, awesome, i hear their brains are bigger than negros and my cousin told me they were "docile." It turned out coolies didn't dig that shit, they sortof liked respect. So the planters moved on - and one of the most successful methods they came up with to continue a nearly exactly indentical system to slavery was PRISON LABOR.
see, the thing that's cool about prison labor, is that at the same time you are punishing your negro workers for leaving you! because since you have all the political power, you can create "vagrancy laws" etc. which of course target black men only! and make it a felony to steal anything over like $5. Sweet! now all these folks are back, as prisoners, and this is really, really, cool, like even BETTER than slavery really, because it's not really your responsibility if your workers die! The laws you and your cronies passed sorta overflowed the prisions, so the state "rents" out their prisoners to you - do ya dig it? It's an endless supply of labor you don't even have to worry about keeping healthy!!!
Back to today. you may or may not know that there have been immigration raids on a ton of agriculture and other buisnesses in the past year. so now they're like, "who can work for us?" Well, this time you don't even need to make laws for it, there already ARE a ton of brown people in jail..... great.
http://www.racewire.org/archives/2007/0
After slavery had been ripped from under thier feet, these planters needed someone to still do the work - and they were sortof shocked to have to treat people they had never thought of as human, as "equals"? yea right. So they figured out this neat system of tenant farming, so much endebting their workers that even though they were now "freedmen," they weren't making any money. (the debt comes from the advancement of supplies, food, rent, etc. - it's like old-school, "you're shirt and cap will come out of your first check.")
Needless to say, these freedmen weren't to siked about all this. The one power that was definetly in their hands, which hadn't been previously under slavery, was the power to leave. And this happened, a lot. If a planter was completely, obscenly horrible, he had problems getting his workers to come back the next year. That really sucked for him, because his plantations were miles by miles large and shit would sink if he didn't have enough labor.
Facing the problem of not having enough labor, (i.e., not treating ex-slaves well enough that they would put up with the bullshit,) planters tried many solutions, which is where the Chinese came in. They were doing so well on the Rail roads, hey, coolies, awesome, i hear their brains are bigger than negros and my cousin told me they were "docile." It turned out coolies didn't dig that shit, they sortof liked respect. So the planters moved on - and one of the most successful methods they came up with to continue a nearly exactly indentical system to slavery was PRISON LABOR.
see, the thing that's cool about prison labor, is that at the same time you are punishing your negro workers for leaving you! because since you have all the political power, you can create "vagrancy laws" etc. which of course target black men only! and make it a felony to steal anything over like $5. Sweet! now all these folks are back, as prisoners, and this is really, really, cool, like even BETTER than slavery really, because it's not really your responsibility if your workers die! The laws you and your cronies passed sorta overflowed the prisions, so the state "rents" out their prisoners to you - do ya dig it? It's an endless supply of labor you don't even have to worry about keeping healthy!!!
Back to today. you may or may not know that there have been immigration raids on a ton of agriculture and other buisnesses in the past year. so now they're like, "who can work for us?" Well, this time you don't even need to make laws for it, there already ARE a ton of brown people in jail..... great.
http://www.racewire.org/archives/2007/0
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this was my funfun nyc summer job!
Nov. 5th, 2007 | 10:09 am
http://www.iht.com/articles/ap/2007/1
Female worker sues Cipriani restaurants and male workers for harassment
The Associated PressPublished: November 1, 2007
NEW YORK: A waitress sued the Cipriani restaurants and a dozen of its male employees Thursday, claiming they subjected her to a work environment filled with offensive, degrading and derogatory comments about women.
Lastenia Amparo Torres, who works at the Sherry Netherland Cipriani in Manhattan, said in papers filed in Manhattan's state Supreme Court the harassment began when she started work in February 2000.
Torres, a native of Colombia who came to the U.S. in 1987, said in court papers the offensive remarks generally were spoken in Spanish and were most hurtful to the women who understood the language.
The comments came from bus persons, waiters, floor captains and managers, court papers say, who "consistently" called Torres "brute," "stupid" and "dumb Indian."
Torres, who lives in New Jersey, says supervisory and managerial employees did nothing to stop the harassment. Her lawsuit asks unspecified money damages.
individual employees, the lawsuit names as defendants Vittoria Corp., the parent of the Cipriani restaurants, and Arrigo Cipriani and his son Giuseppe, who run the corporation.
A spokesman for the Ciprianis did not immediately return calls for comment.
Giuseppe Cipriani is president and CEO of Cipriani USA. His father owns Luxembourg-based parent company Cipriani SA. Their other Manhattan restaurants include Harry Cipriani downtown and Cipriani Dolci at Grand Central Terminal.
The Ciprianis and three corporations in their U.S. restaurant group pleaded guilty July 31 to charges of cheating the city and state out of millions of dollars. They were sentenced Oct. 10 to non-jail terms and ordered to pay $10 million (€6.9 million) for evaded taxes.
Female worker sues Cipriani restaurants and male workers for harassment
The Associated PressPublished: November 1, 2007
NEW YORK: A waitress sued the Cipriani restaurants and a dozen of its male employees Thursday, claiming they subjected her to a work environment filled with offensive, degrading and derogatory comments about women.
Lastenia Amparo Torres, who works at the Sherry Netherland Cipriani in Manhattan, said in papers filed in Manhattan's state Supreme Court the harassment began when she started work in February 2000.
Torres, a native of Colombia who came to the U.S. in 1987, said in court papers the offensive remarks generally were spoken in Spanish and were most hurtful to the women who understood the language.
The comments came from bus persons, waiters, floor captains and managers, court papers say, who "consistently" called Torres "brute," "stupid" and "dumb Indian."
Torres, who lives in New Jersey, says supervisory and managerial employees did nothing to stop the harassment. Her lawsuit asks unspecified money damages.
individual employees, the lawsuit names as defendants Vittoria Corp., the parent of the Cipriani restaurants, and Arrigo Cipriani and his son Giuseppe, who run the corporation.
A spokesman for the Ciprianis did not immediately return calls for comment.
Giuseppe Cipriani is president and CEO of Cipriani USA. His father owns Luxembourg-based parent company Cipriani SA. Their other Manhattan restaurants include Harry Cipriani downtown and Cipriani Dolci at Grand Central Terminal.
The Ciprianis and three corporations in their U.S. restaurant group pleaded guilty July 31 to charges of cheating the city and state out of millions of dollars. They were sentenced Oct. 10 to non-jail terms and ordered to pay $10 million (€6.9 million) for evaded taxes.
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(no subject)
Nov. 4th, 2007 | 11:43 am
"Just as there is a victim inside every terrorist, there is also a terrorist inside every victim--God didn't make us all that different from each other--and the prayer of every victim should be, "Please God, help me not to do that." "
- http://findarticles.com/p/articles/mi_m
- http://findarticles.com/p/articles/mi_m
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(no subject)
Oct. 21st, 2007 | 09:29 am
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE:
October 19, 2007
NATIONAL SECURITY EXPERT ENDORSES NEW YORK STATE DRIVER’S LICENSE POLICY
Registering Immigrants Improves Security and Aids Law Enforcement
In a speech delivered today at the New York University Center for Law and Security, Governor Eliot Spitzer detailed how changes to the state’s driver’s license policy and enhanced anti-fraud measures will make the system the most secure of any in the nation and increase the public’s safety and security. The Governor announced that Richard Clarke, the former White House National Coordinator for Security and Counter-Terrorism under the Bush Administration, today joined the ranks of those who have endorsed New York’s new driver’s license policy.
“The obligation we have at the state level is to protect the public by keeping our roads safe, preventing crime and supporting counter national terrorism efforts,” said Governor Spitzer. “By bringing people out of the shadows and into the system and by implementing new anti-fraud security measures that improve our ability to prove a person is who they say they are, we will vastly enhance the safety and security of all New Yorkers.”
In a statement, Clarke said: “States should act to register immigrants, legal and illegal, who use our roadways as New York is doing. From a law enforcement and security perspective, it is far preferable for the state to know who is living in it and driving on its roads, and to have their photograph and their address on file than to have large numbers of people living in our cities whose identity is totally unknown to the government.”
Speaking about Clarke’s endorsement, Governor Spitzer said: “Here’s a person who, at a critical time in our nation’s history, had the courage to stand up and say the hard truths that no one wanted to hear. At a moment when it was easy to lapse in to commonplace rhetoric, he never lost sight of the facts.”
The Governor’s speech focused on the challenge created by the federal government's failure to adequately police the nation’s borders. The Governor must thus confront the reality that there are more than one million undocumented immigrants currently living in New York State who are not part of any database.
Governor Spitzer said: “We are not talking about bringing more people into this country; we are talking about being practical about the ones who are already here. Bringing 1 million people out of the shadows and into the system will increase our chances of catching terrorists and tracking criminals. I’m asking everyone to recognize that when you separate immigration politics from security policy, and look at the evidence, restoring access to drivers licenses tied to increased security measures will make all New Yorkers safer.”
The Governor said that, as recommended by the 9/11 Commission, the state is taking steps to make the license system more secure. He said he would not begin implementing this policy until our security measures are in place and have proven to work, and he invited all state legislators to the DMV to test the equipment themselves.
A driver’s license applicant who does not have a Social Security number or SSA letter of ineligibility with attached INS forms to prove legal status, will have to go through the following, more rigorous process:
Strict Identity Document Requirement. Applicants will be required to have their photograph taken and to present six points of current and valid identification, including a current and valid passport.
State-of-the-Art Document Authentication. Passports will be scanned through state-of-the-art document authentication machines, similar to those used by many U.S. Customs stations.
Enhanced Identification Verification Unit. Applicants will not experience an over-the-counter process as is currently the case. Instead, all the applicant’s identity documents will be sent to DMV’s new Enhanced Identification Verification Unit—the first of its kind in the nation. The unit will be staffed by investigators working with specially-trained clerks, who will be certified by the very same training program used to train federal agents who review breeder documents at agencies like the Department of Defense and the State Department.
Photo-Comparison Technology. Another highly effective tool DMV is implementing is facial recognition technology—currently used by the U.S. State Department and 18 other states. Facial recognition technology will enable DMV to compare the photograph of every driver’s license applicant against every single photograph in the current system to make sure applicants can’t create multiple identities. It takes DMV’s “one person, one license” security principle to the next level and will be a major weapon in our fight against identity theft.
Residency Requirement. DMV will establish a strict residency requirement so only New York residents can get a New York license. Currently, 27 other states have residency requirements.
The DMV estimates that tens of thousands of undocumented, unlicensed and uninsured drivers are currently on New York’s roads. As a result of the prior administration’s restrictions, approximately 152,000 New Yorkers were blocked from renewing their licenses. And hundreds of thousands of new applicants were prevented from coming into the license system in the first place.
Clarke is a leading national security and counter-terrorism expert. In his over 30 years of government service, he has worked in various capacities in the Department of Defense, Department of State, and National Security Council (NSC) for Republican and Democratic presidents. During the administrations of Bill Clinton and George W. Bush, he served as National Coordinator for Security, Infrastructure and Protection, and Counter-terrorism. From 1992-2003, he also chaired the NSC’s Counter-terrorism Security Group.
http://www.ny.gov/governor/press/101907
________________
_____________________
and this.
October 19, 2007
NATIONAL SECURITY EXPERT ENDORSES NEW YORK STATE DRIVER’S LICENSE POLICY
Registering Immigrants Improves Security and Aids Law Enforcement
In a speech delivered today at the New York University Center for Law and Security, Governor Eliot Spitzer detailed how changes to the state’s driver’s license policy and enhanced anti-fraud measures will make the system the most secure of any in the nation and increase the public’s safety and security. The Governor announced that Richard Clarke, the former White House National Coordinator for Security and Counter-Terrorism under the Bush Administration, today joined the ranks of those who have endorsed New York’s new driver’s license policy.
“The obligation we have at the state level is to protect the public by keeping our roads safe, preventing crime and supporting counter national terrorism efforts,” said Governor Spitzer. “By bringing people out of the shadows and into the system and by implementing new anti-fraud security measures that improve our ability to prove a person is who they say they are, we will vastly enhance the safety and security of all New Yorkers.”
In a statement, Clarke said: “States should act to register immigrants, legal and illegal, who use our roadways as New York is doing. From a law enforcement and security perspective, it is far preferable for the state to know who is living in it and driving on its roads, and to have their photograph and their address on file than to have large numbers of people living in our cities whose identity is totally unknown to the government.”
Speaking about Clarke’s endorsement, Governor Spitzer said: “Here’s a person who, at a critical time in our nation’s history, had the courage to stand up and say the hard truths that no one wanted to hear. At a moment when it was easy to lapse in to commonplace rhetoric, he never lost sight of the facts.”
The Governor’s speech focused on the challenge created by the federal government's failure to adequately police the nation’s borders. The Governor must thus confront the reality that there are more than one million undocumented immigrants currently living in New York State who are not part of any database.
Governor Spitzer said: “We are not talking about bringing more people into this country; we are talking about being practical about the ones who are already here. Bringing 1 million people out of the shadows and into the system will increase our chances of catching terrorists and tracking criminals. I’m asking everyone to recognize that when you separate immigration politics from security policy, and look at the evidence, restoring access to drivers licenses tied to increased security measures will make all New Yorkers safer.”
The Governor said that, as recommended by the 9/11 Commission, the state is taking steps to make the license system more secure. He said he would not begin implementing this policy until our security measures are in place and have proven to work, and he invited all state legislators to the DMV to test the equipment themselves.
A driver’s license applicant who does not have a Social Security number or SSA letter of ineligibility with attached INS forms to prove legal status, will have to go through the following, more rigorous process:
Strict Identity Document Requirement. Applicants will be required to have their photograph taken and to present six points of current and valid identification, including a current and valid passport.
State-of-the-Art Document Authentication. Passports will be scanned through state-of-the-art document authentication machines, similar to those used by many U.S. Customs stations.
Enhanced Identification Verification Unit. Applicants will not experience an over-the-counter process as is currently the case. Instead, all the applicant’s identity documents will be sent to DMV’s new Enhanced Identification Verification Unit—the first of its kind in the nation. The unit will be staffed by investigators working with specially-trained clerks, who will be certified by the very same training program used to train federal agents who review breeder documents at agencies like the Department of Defense and the State Department.
Photo-Comparison Technology. Another highly effective tool DMV is implementing is facial recognition technology—currently used by the U.S. State Department and 18 other states. Facial recognition technology will enable DMV to compare the photograph of every driver’s license applicant against every single photograph in the current system to make sure applicants can’t create multiple identities. It takes DMV’s “one person, one license” security principle to the next level and will be a major weapon in our fight against identity theft.
Residency Requirement. DMV will establish a strict residency requirement so only New York residents can get a New York license. Currently, 27 other states have residency requirements.
The DMV estimates that tens of thousands of undocumented, unlicensed and uninsured drivers are currently on New York’s roads. As a result of the prior administration’s restrictions, approximately 152,000 New Yorkers were blocked from renewing their licenses. And hundreds of thousands of new applicants were prevented from coming into the license system in the first place.
Clarke is a leading national security and counter-terrorism expert. In his over 30 years of government service, he has worked in various capacities in the Department of Defense, Department of State, and National Security Council (NSC) for Republican and Democratic presidents. During the administrations of Bill Clinton and George W. Bush, he served as National Coordinator for Security, Infrastructure and Protection, and Counter-terrorism. From 1992-2003, he also chaired the NSC’s Counter-terrorism Security Group.
http://www.ny.gov/governor/press/101907
________________
_____________________
and this.
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(no subject)
Sep. 15th, 2007 | 11:17 am
friday nights at earlham are just running in circles around the same block, in search of a slightly different crowd, on a desperate make-out quest. but last night i ended up never leaving my house and watching animal planet, it was pretty ok.
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(no subject)
Sep. 5th, 2007 | 03:57 pm
i miss this guy so much! him being there and me being here is just so weird.
school is fine, pretty good. I go to bed earlier than all my housemates and it makes me worry that I'm boring. but in general, things are just fine.
school is fine, pretty good. I go to bed earlier than all my housemates and it makes me worry that I'm boring. but in general, things are just fine.
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it's almost done, so here's the list.
Aug. 2nd, 2007 | 08:32 am
waking up in astoria
in the time I've been in nyc, I have:
1. had an internship at a newspaper where my photos were published, a job I previously dreamed about.
2. "befriended" a drug dealer who called me on and off for a steady three months where i did not ever answer the phone.
3. for a period of time, worked 7 straight days a week.
4. lost a ton of weight because of the walking around, and then gained a lot of it back.
5. confirmed that it's really not all about college.
6. learned what "starfucking" really means.
7. everyday, walked past things that would strike me anywhere else as extraordinarily sad, scary, and/or interesting.
8. really intense relationship, with an immigrant.
9. worked at cipriani, which although low-class little ol' me didn't know it, is THE "posh-eatery empire". Subsequently, was asked to leave two days before I planned on quitting since I "didn't hustle enough, was too messy." (and I don't want to sound like I'm making excuses, but in my heart of hearts I know that I don't work slowly, and I honestly don't believe I'm too messy, and I think it's something really fucked up like they don't want me to get overtime this week and I get paid more than the girl they hired to replace me.)
9a. Same day I was fired, story came out of the owners of the entire corporation pleading guilty to tax evasion, both father and son have years probation and must pay back $10 million. (but it's too much to let me have 6 hours overtime, need to cut payroll! VIP!)
9b. Two weeks ago, while I was on vacay, a steampipe exploded at 41st and lex, shutting down the block my shop was on. Subsequently missed four days of work, was told I could "try to go to ConEd to see if they would pay for it."
10. decided that I probably, even though I'm glad to get to know you a little better, don't (won't be able to anyway,) want to live here in my future. sorry big city, but you're too big for me. you remind me of a narcissistic baby who doesn't realize that the entire world has feelings too and even though it loves you, can't spend all it's time focused on just your little self. a city in my future is likely, but not this one, I don't think.
11. stolen a shit-load of wifi! HELL yea! lol.
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(no subject)
Jul. 8th, 2007 | 10:47 am
think i might be living in a double single... in woodman... with all my friends left on campus.
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(no subject)
Jul. 2nd, 2007 | 02:03 pm
i feel like everyone in this city is at least a little bit pissed off, stressed out, out of control. so why is it worth it? interesting enough, but i don't think it is. i think i miss my fat, happy, simple midwesterners.
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recent nyc heartbreak
Jun. 22nd, 2007 | 10:38 pm
mood: 
tired
music: the essex green
my [white, woman,] boss asked me if I was doing anything fun this weekend, "I dont know, i might go to the beach with my boyfriend." there's this really great beach near where she used to live at Rockaway - not the first one, right when you first get off the train, that's just full of spanish people, but if you take a bus down a little further, you get to a beach that's just normal people who live in Rockaway.
my boyfriend's name is Jose? I'm the only employee you have who doesn't speak spanish?
he's afraid of speaking english to white people, he thinks he doesn't speak well enough, he's not right, but neither are they.
she has a kid, 18 months old, working the same job I do and then another one again, seven days a week and commuting from the bronx, my whiteness earned me a two dollar raise, weekends off, a pretend internship, and healthcare. "don't tell anyone else how much you're getting paid, no one else gets paid nearly this much, not even your supervisors."
the difference between Jorge and George.
paying with a $50 for $6.73 and reaching into my tip jar for the change.
my boyfriend's name is Jose? I'm the only employee you have who doesn't speak spanish?
he's afraid of speaking english to white people, he thinks he doesn't speak well enough, he's not right, but neither are they.
she has a kid, 18 months old, working the same job I do and then another one again, seven days a week and commuting from the bronx, my whiteness earned me a two dollar raise, weekends off, a pretend internship, and healthcare. "don't tell anyone else how much you're getting paid, no one else gets paid nearly this much, not even your supervisors."
the difference between Jorge and George.
paying with a $50 for $6.73 and reaching into my tip jar for the change.
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(no subject)
Jun. 11th, 2007 | 08:22 pm
summer is great... time and an easy job and the best boyfriend ever. I'm living the life every semi-retired 68-year-old woman dreams of.
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......
May. 16th, 2007 | 07:10 am
mood: 1
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(no subject)
May. 11th, 2007 | 10:29 am
alright, this week has been sortof a disaster. i don't really have a job anymore, at least not one that pays. etc. I don't know if I'm going to be able to stay in nyc this summer or still be able to intern. i'm kindof sick of interning. maybe it will get better?
Jose in Central Park, May 10th 2007
and this has gotten so intense so fast and at this current moment i'm really happy with it but, and this might just be the aniexity inside me that rolls around all the time but i can't figure out the ending yet and this is the first time that's happened.
Jose in Central Park, May 10th 2007
and this has gotten so intense so fast and at this current moment i'm really happy with it but, and this might just be the aniexity inside me that rolls around all the time but i can't figure out the ending yet and this is the first time that's happened.
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(no subject)
Apr. 17th, 2007 | 11:22 pm
music: ace of base
adfjklghdsfjlghb.
( I really am sick of dudes today. )
everything else seems to be going fucking crazy too..... only, well, things with that guy are meeting my best hopes, i think i can say.
pigeons & cab, 20th street, 4/17/07
(my editor didn't like this picture)
( and i went to roosevelt island the other day )
( I really am sick of dudes today. )
everything else seems to be going fucking crazy too..... only, well, things with that guy are meeting my best hopes, i think i can say.
pigeons & cab, 20th street, 4/17/07
(my editor didn't like this picture)
( and i went to roosevelt island the other day )
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street by street, block by block
Apr. 10th, 2007 | 08:35 pm
mood: 
good
music: psapp
what up?
It was fucking NECESSECARY to go home this weekend. I almost caught my breath and now I'll be doing this new york thing some more, this time a little more level-headedly.
I've made the decision that I'm not going to let people intimidate the shit out of me at all anymore. That's fucking done. being with people is just a game; it's all just play, and I think I can do it, and not even by being fake. I look at what the fuck I was doing last semester and I can't even believe that I was living that bullshit. and then I talk to earlham friends, and it's all still there - "yea, he's really depressed, it's hard to deal with / i need more friends / attention / stimulation / time / people to complain to about the same thing I've been talking about for the past week." not that I can seperate myself from that - I am a card-carrying member of team-shit talking. but guess what? it turns out, none of that matters and I can do well without it. At least the extremely inbred version that is earlham college, I can't honestly say that gossipping is a foreign thing to me here, but it is at least more distant and thus less likely to start a fire. I am fucking getting shit done. As I keep telling people, my newspaper job is really high highs and really low lows, but you know what never is? Boring, or useless, or inane, which is a lot of what I don't like about earlham. What I'm really excited about is the prospect of interning with Pal-Item; I've been emailing the journalism professor at earlham and she sounds enthusiastic about it. The Pal-Item would eliminate some of the other regrets I was starting to form about coming back to school - which can be summed up with the phrase "Earlham Word". If I'm sure I want to do journalism, well, I AM doing journalism, so what the fuck would I be wasting my time with the word for? that would be another case of earlham college sending me as a 10-year-old back to pre-school.
goddamn, I am really fucking proud of myself. this is a treadmill I never ever thought I could be running on, but it turns out, you fucking know what? I can, and I do a pretty damn good job. I want to do this forever. everything i want is this job - being nosy, being charming and charismatic, learning about people, taking pictures, and recieving attention for my work. attention is a big part of it, to be honest. hahahaha. oh, I mean I guess money would be nice, but whatever.
Katherine Grace, Easter Day
AND I put off the only vaguely academic thing I've had to do this semester - write journals - until the very last moment, so I'm booked for the evening.
It was fucking NECESSECARY to go home this weekend. I almost caught my breath and now I'll be doing this new york thing some more, this time a little more level-headedly.
I've made the decision that I'm not going to let people intimidate the shit out of me at all anymore. That's fucking done. being with people is just a game; it's all just play, and I think I can do it, and not even by being fake. I look at what the fuck I was doing last semester and I can't even believe that I was living that bullshit. and then I talk to earlham friends, and it's all still there - "yea, he's really depressed, it's hard to deal with / i need more friends / attention / stimulation / time / people to complain to about the same thing I've been talking about for the past week." not that I can seperate myself from that - I am a card-carrying member of team-shit talking. but guess what? it turns out, none of that matters and I can do well without it. At least the extremely inbred version that is earlham college, I can't honestly say that gossipping is a foreign thing to me here, but it is at least more distant and thus less likely to start a fire. I am fucking getting shit done. As I keep telling people, my newspaper job is really high highs and really low lows, but you know what never is? Boring, or useless, or inane, which is a lot of what I don't like about earlham. What I'm really excited about is the prospect of interning with Pal-Item; I've been emailing the journalism professor at earlham and she sounds enthusiastic about it. The Pal-Item would eliminate some of the other regrets I was starting to form about coming back to school - which can be summed up with the phrase "Earlham Word". If I'm sure I want to do journalism, well, I AM doing journalism, so what the fuck would I be wasting my time with the word for? that would be another case of earlham college sending me as a 10-year-old back to pre-school.
goddamn, I am really fucking proud of myself. this is a treadmill I never ever thought I could be running on, but it turns out, you fucking know what? I can, and I do a pretty damn good job. I want to do this forever. everything i want is this job - being nosy, being charming and charismatic, learning about people, taking pictures, and recieving attention for my work. attention is a big part of it, to be honest. hahahaha. oh, I mean I guess money would be nice, but whatever.
Katherine Grace, Easter Day
AND I put off the only vaguely academic thing I've had to do this semester - write journals - until the very last moment, so I'm booked for the evening.
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now
Mar. 30th, 2007 | 11:04 pm
music: professor murder on repeat
I have come home late every night this week until today and basically that was because every day I've been working, forever. I'm not spending time thinking about anything but work. part of me knows this is in all honesty the best thing that ever happened to me and another part of me just knows that my feet hurt and i feel really anxious and need to pop pills to sleep. I'm getting so much better at what I do. It's pretty beautiful to look back at my work over the past few months and realize that I'm ahead in my game. everything I do is so much smoother now. I think I could get paid to do this someday. I think my shit isn't as undone as I'd worried it was. I don't know how I can accept earlham's invitation to come back in the fall. I don't know how I can keep doing the same shit for two more years - if I can do new york then what's the struggle to richmond? right? it's beautiful outside and I am grateful for my sunglasses and my haircut and jeans that fit right and chinatown and men who are older than I am but act like 12-year-olds.
I take literally hundreds of pictures every week. These are what I just decided were my favorites:
Friendly old man at a baseball game, Harlem, 2/26/07
( down for the fight )
I take literally hundreds of pictures every week. These are what I just decided were my favorites:
Friendly old man at a baseball game, Harlem, 2/26/07
( down for the fight )
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(no subject)
Mar. 26th, 2007 | 11:08 pm
i am so burnt out. I have time for nothing. i feel scared. i wonder what ulcers feel like. i haven't missed pennsylvania home this much since I was a 17 year old wandering around a completely foreign place.
bones stopped calling, but i haven't even had a chance to reflect on that since 173 other things came up.
bones stopped calling, but i haven't even had a chance to reflect on that since 173 other things came up.
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do what's next
Mar. 21st, 2007 | 05:40 pm
no way.
Kelsey Schultz, being great
my camera isn't good enough, i want every asshole with a digital slr that doesn't need it to give theirs to me; i want someone to give me a job i can at least put up that pays more than $8.50 an hour; I want to not know that the co-worker I had a small crush on probably only has been flirting with me cuz I'm white; I want to get something to eat without using an atm; I want to be able to feel cute without feeling really nervous; I want clearer skin and I want to loose 15 pounds; I want more people to call me; I want to be able to talk to a boy who doesn't annoy me, but I haven't met him yet; I don't know what to think when I hear that people are intimdated by me and think that I am funny and cool... I'm a big dork and just flailing around and it's hard for me to believe that people think I'm attractive or interesting. I don't want to sound ridiculous, but I think I get that reaction sometimes, I'm starting to think more often than I thought. I want to know how to tell. probably true for everyone though, right? but i've been so critical lately. this city has done that to me. I'm dying to know what my coworkers at the villager think of that blonde photo intern. I get along sometimes with gay art director, and I think my editor likes me... I just don't know. I don't even know. I hope I don't come off as a foolish dopey looking 19 year old. even though that's what I am.
lesson #6: If you are interested, you are interesting and people will go on basically as long as you let them.
lesson #7: If someone you don't want knowing specifics about you is asking for them, ask him specifics about him to buy you time to think of an exit!
Kelsey Schultz, being great
my camera isn't good enough, i want every asshole with a digital slr that doesn't need it to give theirs to me; i want someone to give me a job i can at least put up that pays more than $8.50 an hour; I want to not know that the co-worker I had a small crush on probably only has been flirting with me cuz I'm white; I want to get something to eat without using an atm; I want to be able to feel cute without feeling really nervous; I want clearer skin and I want to loose 15 pounds; I want more people to call me; I want to be able to talk to a boy who doesn't annoy me, but I haven't met him yet; I don't know what to think when I hear that people are intimdated by me and think that I am funny and cool... I'm a big dork and just flailing around and it's hard for me to believe that people think I'm attractive or interesting. I don't want to sound ridiculous, but I think I get that reaction sometimes, I'm starting to think more often than I thought. I want to know how to tell. probably true for everyone though, right? but i've been so critical lately. this city has done that to me. I'm dying to know what my coworkers at the villager think of that blonde photo intern. I get along sometimes with gay art director, and I think my editor likes me... I just don't know. I don't even know. I hope I don't come off as a foolish dopey looking 19 year old. even though that's what I am.
lesson #6: If you are interested, you are interesting and people will go on basically as long as you let them.
lesson #7: If someone you don't want knowing specifics about you is asking for them, ask him specifics about him to buy you time to think of an exit!